Pandemic Birthday Scavenger Hunt

What do you do when you have two little girls with back-to-back birthdays and no way to celebrate it? You do a Pandemic Birthday Scavenger Hunt.

Our girls’ birthdays are a day apart. They’re still young enough that we can trick them into thinking that’s cool, and hey why don’t have one combined birthday but each of you can invite a few friends, and uhh this big gift is for both of you (eg, trampoline, basement playroom reno), etc. 

But this year is different. Like everyone else, instead of a birthday, we’re having a pandemic birthday, and that mostly means no “friend” party. No bounce house or gymnastics party or SkyZone battle royale or anything. Just us and them—the same four total people we’ve been with all day every day for eight months, hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

With all due respect to our many parent friends who have faced this same depressing pandemic birthday shit: We’ve been privy to a few Actually Kind Of Depressing Pandemic Birthdays. (Y’all, we know you tried, #respect.) We wanted to try something to make this birthday as special and fun and memorable as possible for our kids. But what to do, what to do?

Finally, it hit me: Pandemic Birthday Scavenger Hunt.

Yes. YES. This can work!

They’re both old enough (11 and 7) that they can put some mileage on their bikes zipping around town. And old enough that they can decipher my clever poetic clues (100% of good scavenger hunts offer their clues in rhyming verse). But they’re not so old that they’ll question why I’m accompanying them to each location.

And, most importantly, if the whole thing goes awry, at the very least it will be a good memory. As in, Remember that year Dad tried to do the scavenger hunt, but we got into a fistfight over the first clue, and at one point we accidentally set that car on fire, and Camille got lost in the woods and we couldn’t find her for a harrowing 37.5 hours? Ahhh childhood!

I mean, I’ll take it.

Spoiler: Fortunately, nothing terrible happened, and aside from some minor bickering, they played along and had a fun time. I, arguably, had the best time, because I mean come on, I made them a Pandemic Birthday Scavenger Hunt! Their mother helped [lowers voice] but I mean, it was my idea, and I wrote all seven poems and did the location scouting and troubleshooting and everything but [raises voice again], and is AWESOME and DID SO MUCH. 

She did, for real though, execute a few of the surreptitious clue placements (more on that in a bit), and the whole thing would not have worked out without her.

Here is the scene on the day of: A Saturday. Mid-morning. Early November. We would have done it in the actual morning, but we needed to sleep in a little bit and sit quietly with coffee, and we’re kind of lazy, so. The weather was sunny and perfect. Autumn colors were at their zenith. I had dashed out just beforehand to tape some clues hither and yon. With the girls upstairs doing who-knows-what, I placed the initial message on the front porch, snuck back in the house, knocked on the door from the inside, and gasped loudly enough for them to hear.

We really weren’t sure if they’d get on board with this at all. But they read the initial message:

Ahoy, adventurers Esther and Camille!
Today is the day that your dreams become real
A treasure awaits you at the end of a quest
But first you must travel to places you know best
And follow these clues--each one a riddle!
You might have to use those big brains a little
So put on your shoes, your coats, and a mask
Are you two birthday weasels up to the task?
Your first clue will take you to a secret wooded path
Do you think you brave girls know where it's at?

...and they were off. They even loaded backpacks. Camille threw some snacks in hers just in case, because she gets it. Es locked into some kind of intense focus mode, put her head down, and went for it.

Adventure time. 

It took them a LOT longer than I expected to figure out what “secret wooded paths” was. And this made me nervous for their ability to decipher the other clues. Just a couple of weeks prior, Es and her pal discovered a “secret path” from our woods to the neighbor’s backyard and to the pal’s house. She made quite a big thing of it. If she juuuuuussssstttt couldnnnnnn’t remmmmmember that particular event, that did not bode well for the rest of the hunt. 

It took some mild cheating on my part to clue (pun!) her in. Meanwhile, Camille was dashing off in the wrong direction, searching for the back deck, because “it’s made of wood.” Fortunately, I was able to funnel them both to the correct secret wooded path to find the secret wooded clue. Phew.

The clue was for Camille:

Congrats, you've found the first clue on your journey!
Though your legs may be tired and your lungs somewhat burny,
It's time to return to the car port and find
Two two-wheeled vehicles that you can ride

I was stretching her reading skills with “burney,” but with her big sister’s help, she got it. TO THE CAR PORT! TO THE BIKES!

We trudged out of the woods and got to the bikes. Camille spotted the next clue, tucked under a bike tire. [Excited yelling ensues]

Well well well well, how do you do?
You have managed to find clue number two
Helmets! Masks! Get your little sister prepped!
Ride your bikes to the next place you should check
The next clue should ring a bell, it's at a place that is fun
Slide on over there, swing by, take a run
But first: Be smart and empty your bladder
In case you find yourself climbing a ladder

I am proud of 1) all the puns in there and 2) lazily but effectively rhyming “ladder” with “bladder.” They figured out right away that this clue was sending them to their school playground. They were not amused about the “bladder” instruction, even though that’s totally in their humor wheelhouse. 

Knowing what was coming next (again, I wrote the clues), I biked over to the playground with them. Es seemed impatient (not a good sign, because I, the writer of the clues, knew we had barely begun).

We got to the playground, with both girls sporting some pretty intense and regrettable helmet hair, and found the next clue:

Here is a hint: The next clue's kind of far*
But you don't have to drive all the way there in a car
But you should pedal on over--don't walk with your feet
And make sure a grown-up helps you cross the busy street
On your way to a place that a fool might drown in
Where there is some water and it rhymes with "mountain"

*At this, Essie slumped her shoulders and grunted, “Ugh.”

Cheers to young Camille for immediately coming up with FOUNTAIN! FOUNTAIN! And off we went to the Shelter Fountain, which is down the street and across the busiest road in town. This is the point that they started getting a little melty. It took them far too long to make the half-mile bike trek. To be fair to them, it involves a really big hill that they usually have to walk their bikes up. To be unfair to them, they routinely traverse this hill to go to their friends’ house, and back and forth and back and forth multiple times a day, without complaint. 

But we made it across the busy street to the fountain, and huh, Momma was there—she “caught up to us,” which is to say, she snuck ahead and placed the clue. 

This one was loaded—with cash! Five dollars, to be exact. Essie gasped at the sight.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Ooh baby, cha-ching!
You found some fresh money!
But don't get any big ideas now, honey
This cash is not yours, it's a part of your quest
(Though after you spend it, you guys can keep the rest)
So don't be a nut, go spend this dough
On a circular food at a grocery store
Seriously--go on in! Find that item on the shelf
Make sure you get a good one for yourself
And one for your sister, and your mom, and your dad
Heck, make it a half-dozen, that wouldn’t be bad
Have your eyes glazed over, as I sprinkle on clues?
The icing on this is that you'll struggle to choose
After you do this, go back outside
The next clue will be there for you to find...

Again, so many puns! Huzzah! Off to the grocery store. Which was just around the corner. A super short li’l bike ride.

I will admit, though, that this next bit was the most complicated. There was nowhere to put a clue outside of the store without someone seeing it. And any time we go into a store, we risk chaos as they bicker and melt. We had to gamble on them not fighting over the donuts, and we had to have Momma slide on over and tape a clue on the bike rack outside the door and then babysit it from afar such that no one else saw it and fiddled with it. 

(Side note: The children had not been inside a store in about eight months, and oh my god, it showed. They were just wandering through isles and displays as if they were the last two humans on the planet, completely oblivious as they bumped into people and cut me off every five seconds. I kept having to grab their arms and pull them out of the way of a cart or banana stand or each other. We’ve lost so much in the pandemic, but I did not expect one of those things to be my children’s ability to detect and avoid objects in space.)

Slight unforeseen issue: There were virtually no donuts in the very large freshly baked donut display case. No reason. They just, like, didn’t make donuts that day, I guess? We had to settle on some prepackaged ones, but nobody cared at that point, so whatever. 

But then, they wanted drinks. So in short order I was juggling donuts and chocolate milk and orange juice and then I did that thing where I thought, “Shoot, while we’re here may as well grab a couple things…” And then I ended up doing that thing where I didn’t grab a basket or a cart, but I was holding enough crap to fill either, and people were shaking their heads at the inept dad person who did not have enough free hands to prevent his children from bumping into them. 

But anyway, we left the grocery store with the donuts and everything else, and fortunately it all fit into the backpacks. (Way to go on the adventure contingency planning, Camille!) And the aforementioned plan where Momma stuck the clue onto the bike rack worked.

You did it! You got donuts aplenty!
But don't eat them yet--your adventure's not ending
No, little lady, you must go find a table
To the bikes! Helmets on! Pedal as you're able
To a sheltered place that has a schoolhouse and fish
When you get there, you can eat a donut if you wish
But pick the right table or else you won't find
The next, FINAL clue, and you'll be left behind

“SHELTER GARDENS” they said nearly in unison.

But SOME people had some SUSPICIONS about the clue placement, and we sat down to sip our beverages and unpack the issue. Camille did the math: Mommy wasn’t with us when we did the donuts, but she previously said she was going to catch up, but she didn’t, but when we came out of the grocery store, the clue was there even though it hadn’t been when we went in just minutes ago. 

Eventually we were able to set the issue aside and pop over to the lovely nearby gardens.

And then...they haplessly milled about, unable to find the clue. 

There’s a picnic table in the gardens where we’ve had lunch a few times. Obviously, from the clue, they know what table to look at. But they missed the actual clue—a big piece of green paper. They even—each!—looked under the table where the clue was located, but they both missed that, and they both meandered around until we really hinted that one of them should really check under the table, no seriously just check again.

Finally, success. They read:

Well birthday ladies, you're close to the treasure
Your snack will give you energy beyond measure
Eat up, then get on those bikes and start riding
To the place where your glorious treasure is hiding
But where, do you ask, is the direction to go?
You can only find out if you decipher these codes:
It's a place within a place where you shouldn't make a peep
Because when you are there, you're usually asleep

Easy: Bedrooms. They were READY TO RIDE, except they were tired and did not want to ride any more. Momma was there, and therefore so was the minivan, which is to say, there was an easy ride home available. I was so very disappointed. We were so close. And they're bailing at the tail end. 

Although all they were really doing is calculating that if they ride in a car, they would likely achieve the treasure faster than if they rode their bikes. So, indignant, I challenged them to a race. First one to the treasure gets to keep the treasure. Gauntlet thrown.

Listen, friends: They thought they had it made. We were so far away from home, they felt, and they were about to climb aboard the minivan and smoke me, the schmuck on the bike. But they didn’t know what hit ‘em. I made it back home in record time—it was only maybe a mile, if that—and beat them by about two minutes. 

Camille, always game for this sort of thing, played along and charged to the house, almost jumping out of the moving minivan in the process. Es kind of did the same, but tripped on the brick walkway and burst into tears. Gahhhhh so close. But we got her back on track, and with only slightly teary eyes, they flung open the door, sprinted to their rooms, and scored some Very Awesome Pandemic Birthday Gifts to conclude their Pandemic Birthday Scavenger Hunt.